I'm going to jail i love you
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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