everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
