I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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