I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
