i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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