based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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