i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
