OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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