she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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