Someone shit on the floor
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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