since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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