im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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