are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
