Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
