drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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