You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
