Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He passed out mid-signature
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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