Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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