It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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