but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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