my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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