SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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