Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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