I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
