butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
