one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
how drunk are you?
Several
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