While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's get the cat blown out
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
