remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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