its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
