Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
