you win again, gameday.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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