normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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