Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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