Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
