he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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