Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
