If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
