The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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