He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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