I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Houston, we have a squirter
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
