3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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