While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
