Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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