i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
