This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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