there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
