If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
