I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
