I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So apparently I’m into choking now
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
