I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
