Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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