I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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