good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
