census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
