And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
