im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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