a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
