i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
