hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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