Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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