38 yer olds are good kisserssss
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
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As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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