So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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