I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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