oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
What a dumb baby whore.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
