Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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