so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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