my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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